A Mini Diary

It was a rather damp morning of July 14, 2012. The grounds imbibed a good amount of water from the rains that fell at predawn, before the roosters started crowing.  It was 1:45 AM, as I glanced at my cell phone-cum-watch.  I heard the raindrops rushing through the gutters. And I was already up, thanks to the jet lag as I have just arrived here in the Philippines. 

At least two major activities were lined up on this second day of our visit to my in-laws in Mainit, Surigao del Norte. At first, I thought the predawn dumping of rains could’ve changed today’s retinue, I was wrong.  We went ahead with our practice shooting in the makeshift firing range. I was a little scared and apprehensive at the get-go as this was my first time ever to hold and, much more,  fire a 9mm caliber pistol. The only instance I held a gun was back to the ROTC days in college when we had to assemble and disassemble a Garand rifle as part of the ‘baby’ military training. And that was three decades ago! Also, this day was going to be my first to hear a gun shot at a very close range. Silly, it may seem! Of course, I heard guns shots before, in the hinterlands around the MSU-Marawi campus, way back then.

Then, there was a brief overview about gun handling. Next time I knew, I was already handling a fully loaded, aiming the target dummies and plates, then shoot! The gun shot sounds were quite loud, though. If only, I should’ve worn a soundproof earphone. I fired 45 bullets total, hitting a couple of plates and piercing through the dummies. Firing a gun was not that scary after all.

Next thing in our to-do list for the day, trip to the islands off Claver, Surigao del Norte. Actually, it was an overnight stay in the Bucas Grande Island, in the township of Soccoro (Surigao del Norte). It took a little over an hour to get to Hayanggabon, a village in Claver where the pump boat was waiting to ferry our contingent to the island.  The otherwise smooth drive was interrupted by short stretches of roads that were still under construction. At times, the road seemed slippery as paste of mud covered the roads especially in the areas with active mining activity. The same mud paste repainted the vehicles we took mud brown!

I learned from elementary social studies class, way back when, that nickel, gold and chromite mining is a major industry in the province of Surigao del Norte. Apparently, ‘massive’ mining activities are currently underway in various areas in the province. On our way to Hayanggabon, one can easily see some mountain tops shaved off and leveled flat because of on-going open pit mining. Dirt joins the cloud reminding me of the ash fall during the days when Mount Pinatubo erupted in 1991, only on a miniscule scale! Dirt eroded by running water, settled in the road pavement and formed the mud paste.

 

 

Then, a motorized (pump) boat brought us sailing, navigating  through a mystical maze-like string of islands  seemingly floating on calm waters. The ride to the islands was smooth. Excitement mounted as we looked closely and took pictures (for some of us) as we passed by one island after another. The islands were beautifully crowned with lush verdant vegetation seemingly untouched by human cruelty. For a nature lover, these islands surrounded with fine white sandy shoreline are a good eye candy! We got to enjoy more of the islands when we hopped from one island to another, set our foot on the sandy shores and dipped in the crystal clear waters. 

This trip has not quite made me less of a stranger to my own country. For there are still a lot of beautiful places one can find only in the Philippines, places that I have never been yet, and hopefully, getting into these places will be part of the itinerary in my next visit. Wishful thinking!

----------------
We were indebted to Cesar and Helen Mozar for this  nice trip treat!

Becoming A US Citizen: Life's New Milestone

Who would've thought I get this far? Nobody. Not me! Not even in my farthest dreams. For there were no dreams on the first place. Not luck, either, for I don't believe in luck. It is, I believed, serendipity. While drifting into life's infinite expanse of the unknown future, I just seized any oppportunity that came my way. Hard work, lots of it. Untiring resilience, to dust off when things get a nosedive. And support from my family and friends. All these helped me make it through.. milestone after milestone, one milestone at a time!

*************************************

Roughly 13 years and 3 months ago, I turned my life away from comfort and convenience, moved halfway around the globe, took the risk and explored the maze into the unknown future in the enticing new world of Uncle Sam. The decision, not an easy one,  came after a careful balance of fears and apprehensions cloaked with the uncertainties of the future and clouded with the emotional toll with the severance of constant family physical contacts against the perks of better and brighter opportunities enjoyed by those who came before us and longed and dreamed by many. A job opportunity presented before me came in a silver platter. I did not apply for it, no interview and I did not have to compete with a horde  of US-trained PhD graduates. It was a total departure from the US'  'equal opportunity' policy in the hiring process. Mine was special. The persuasive power of this once-in-a lifetime opportunity sent me packing.  September 3, 1999, I took off as an exchange scientist (on exchange VISA) with the anticipation that my family would join me soon after classes end in March 2000. 

Navigating through the unfamiliar waters in this new-found-land did not come easy. The daily grind seemed almost always a challenge at the get go.  But the company of fellow expats, who came long before us, provided with some comfort and guidance, making life transition a little less difficult. Soon enough, we began to adopt the kind of life, a little different from what we left behind. Our kids loved the school system, the way they were treated, embraced by their fellow students, and the welcoming acceptance they experienced regardless of who they are and where they come gave them the feeling they 'belong' here. 

Just as the resemblance of a new life's normalcy in our family started to take roots, the 'catch' attached to an exchange VISA, which did not matter to me at the start, presented itself. Nearing the end of my third year in the job (August 2002), we started to pack up again, homeward bound (back to the Philippines), in compliance with  the stipulated exchange VISA holders requirement to 'render a two-year service to their home country'. We were all set to go, shipped some  stuff  through balikbayan boxes, reserved one-way tickets, and wife submitted her work resignation. There was one thing left undone, the send-off or despedida party, which normally is held few days prior to departure. Then, suddenly events took an unexpected twist. On advise of friends who were once on our predicament, we managed to extend our stay in the US.Whoa!

December 5, 2012. Today highlights a new milestone in mine and my wife's lives as we take the oath of citizenship to this great country, the United States of America. Our children took theirs earlier. Looking back to the journey which brings us to this day, it was long, complicated and  at a cost. Brick walls were torn down and legal entanglements   ironed out, of course coming at a hefty price. The great consolation, though, came through the support of previous employers who believed in our potentials to contribute to the betterment of this country, in our own unique ways.

This day brings me mixed feelings. Sad seasoned with some guilt as I shed off my Filipino citizenship while at the same time, glad and excited as I put on a new one. Actually, I got misty-eyed as I took allegiance to this country I called home for over a decade now.  I don't know if gaining a US citizenship really matters. But for now, I am just living the excitement this new memento brings.  For I live one day at a time! 

Tomorrow, our journey will continue.....

 

 

Celebrating A Life Well-Lived: A Tribute to My Mother-in-Law, Alicia Labrador Mozar

One day, while I was in Los Banos, Laguna, working on my graduate degree, a lady approached me selling a cookbook. Judging the book by its cover (a thing I should've never done), it looked good to me and so I bought a copy. The book went straight to the post office,  dropped in the mail, sent  to my mother-in-law, Mama Alice. While the lady postal worker (postwoman?) weighed the book, calculated the postage, etc, it was mentioned to her that the book was going to my mother-in-law. She got her eyes wide-opened. When asked why the face? With a grin (and without a hint of sarcasm, I believed), she said she hardly knew of a son-in-law so close to his mother-in-law!

What the lady said holds a grain of salt.  For the son-in-law and mother-in-law relationship, has always been stereotyped in the boob tube, silver screen as well as in the radio, as the cat-and-dog kind. This relationship does exist in real life. I have had first-hand experience with this, with  my very own mother and few of my brod-in-laws.

I am privileged to become a part of the Mozar family. And I am so honored to have  Papa Cesar and Mama Alice to be my second parents. For the past 25 years that I became affiliated with them, I considered them my very own.


Mama Alice, was no ordinary person. She was a teacher, an artist, a wife and  a mother of five talented children. I came to know more and more about her as the years keep coming. Through the artworks  (paintings and cross stitch) she generously gave us, the cards she relentlessly sent us, and the times, though always short and limited, we spent with her during our visits to Mainit. Caring, thoughtful, very loving and generous, this is to list a few words that may best describe her.  She lived her life to the fullest! She had a very rewarding career which culminated in retirement as a Division Supervisor. A life so colorful and soulful as she expressed it in every stroke of her paint brush.  A great sense of fulfillment having raised their children, all successful and having families of their own. And endowed with fabulous grandchildren and greatgrandchildren! It all seemed, Mama has had everything she must have wished for...

But...life, like a story, it ends. And like a race, it's not over until it is over. And so the celebration for victory comes at its close!

In the past month or so, Mama was waging a tough war with infirmities that come with her advancing age.  She fought it hard,  but it seemed she was losing ground, despite of modern medicine intervention, as each day came. Finally, today,  she succumbed to and embraced the ultimate - her demise,
Mama's passing is a very sorrowful event, especially to  those she left behind. But her death makes her even larger than life. During this very difficult time,  I enjoin everybody in the Mozar Family: Papa Cesar, Pinky, Boy Cesar, my wife Bingbing, Toto and Michael, to hold a grandiose celebration behind their grieving and mourning. For Mama's life is like a best seller book, well written and read by many! Hers is a life well lived!

Rest in peace, Mama Alice! You may be gone but you will continue to live in our hearts!

The Power of Caring (a guest post)

I welcome everyone who wants to share his thoughts through this blog. Below is the first guest post written by my son as he is still recuperating from a recent brain decompression surgery! Thanks for sharing Deboy!

=======================  ==================== 

Now I don’t know about you, but I’m 99.9% sure that my Christmas break was just a little different than the normal person. Yeah, I had a gathering of people around me and we all had a feast, and we all opened presents. By a gathering of people I mean nurses and doctors, and by a feast I mean the “gourmet” hospital food that was served to me, and the only thing that was opened this break was the back of my head. Before you get freaked out by my (maybe) too graphic of a description, let me explain what happened to me this Christmas break so that you won’t get too confused. During the break, I had what was called a “Brain Decompression Surgery.” Basically at the end of the first semester, I started feeling tingling numbness on the whole left side of my body, causing some occasional aches and pains. Sharp excruciating headaches also accompanied it and that’s when I got it checked out. It turns out that my skull was a bit too small for my brain causing my brain to hang down and therefore causing me to have nerve problems. The Doctors diagnosed it as a Chiari Malformation. Now this article isn’t about the condition or my process into my surgery, so we’re not going to get too technical. Instead I will be talking about the overwhelming support that I got from my friends and family. Whether it’s my dad sleeping on the not-so-comfortable chair every night just too keep me company, or a friend texting you all day and all night so you won’t get bored, or all your fraternity brothers checking up on you making sure you’re doing well. Getting this major surgery made me realize that, I really do have a wonderful community around me. Friends of friends, family from the Philippines, friends that I’m not even Facebook friends with knew about it, and all of them had the decency to pray for me. I guess when it comes to facing adversity and difficulty, you find out who truly cares for you, in which you find out that basically all of your friends and more care for you. That is the true way to showcase the power of the human heart and soul. The support that I got was probably the best Christmas present I could have ever gotten (unless it was an Ipad or a new car, even then it still be hard to beat.) My point in this is that; don’t take your friends for granted, because they would do just about anything for you like you would do just about anything for them. In life you will have many friends come and go, which means that embrace the ones you have known because when you need them, they will be there and there is nothing better than the feeling when you know you’re receiving the true power of caring.

Between Comings and Goings

It is the dash.  In the tombstones of many, it means the lifespan,  between the year of birth and the year of death. In a job, it represents the period of employment between the starting and leaving. A dash, therefore, represents a  period of time. It could be very short or long as a lifetime! It could be the period between January 1st to December 31st!

Every dash contains a story or a history! And I found  Steve Jobs' dash so remarkable and awe-inspiring. I heard about Steve mostly in the primetime news, in things, well, related to Apple. His name did not get much of my interest at the start simply because ain't a Mac person. Until I was introduced to TED (www.ted.com) when I seemed to get to him upclose and personal. Posted on TED was his 2005 Commencement Address in Stanford University titled  'How you live before you die'. His talk was so loaded heavily with wits and wisdom peppered with humor. He can be quoted in practically  everything he spoke. Since then, I became his avid follower. Much about his life were revealed after his recent passing.And his person became even bigger with his death! Well done Steve! Humanity just lost a genius!

This might one of the shortest among the dashes. But its impact affects what seems to be a lifetime to many. On March 11, 2011, 2:46 in the afternoon Japan Standard Time, a 9.0-magnitude earthquake hit the eastern Japan what has been dubbed as 2011 Tohuku earthquake or the Great East Japan Earthquake. Considered as one of the five most powerful earthquakes in the world (and Japan's worst ever) since modern recording was available, the tremors sent powerful and massive tsunami waves, rampaging everything on their paths of destruction. Tens of thousands of lives lost, missing and destroyed,  countless people were displaced. Over hundred thousand  buildings damaged or destroyed. There were nuclear accidents, nuclear meltdown in some nuclear power plants. Most of the gut-wrenching events were recorded as they unfolded. The images of black waves rolling from the shoreline down through the nearby urban center, carrying everything on the paths- cars, homes, people, animals, etc, was so  surreal. It sent shivers down to my spine. I thought I saw clips of the futuristic movie, The Day After Tomorrow!

And while working on this topic, I did not expect something to happen in this year's dash, right there in the place I used to call home in the Philippines, in Iligan City! December 17 before the break of dawn, many people were roused from their peaceful sleep by rushing water. Flash flood caused by the heavy downpour brought in by Tropical Depression Sendong inundated a wide area in Iligan City as well as in Cagayan de Oro, which is about an hour drive away. This calamitous event was never expected, for these places had rarely been  hit by storms history-wise. And besides, Sendong (international code name - Washi) being designated a Storm Signal 2, with winds gusting around 60 to 100 kilometers per hour (kph), was not as dangerous as many people would imagine.  The continuous downpour of heavy rains which rapidly soaked the denuded areas was blamed for the inland-tsunami-like waters which swept and rampaged thousands of homes and establishments, waking thousands of   people up from their sleeps.  Unfortunately, the same rampaging water unforgivingly drowned hundreds of innocent lives in their sleep. This incident happened just a week before Christmas!

The scene of dead people lined lying like logs on muddy roads, the morning following the inundation, was horrendous and heartbreaking. Included in the fatalities were some of my relatives, and few colleagues at previous work. Many of our friends though they considered themselves lucky for being still alive,  were not spared from the unexpected inundation with murky waters reaching from hip-level to the rooftop. Most of their belongings (household appliances, furnitures, books, etc) were damaged, some of them with only the clothes on their back! For certain, this was not the way they want to celebrate Christmas of 2011!! But it happened! As such, I offer my condolences and deep sympathies to the families and relatives of victims whose lives were lost in the tragedy. I share my hopes and well wishes to relatives, friends and families whose households were damaged, as they start to rebuild their lives again!

This year's dash is highlighted with countless milestones which will surely merit some pages down in the history. And some of these mementoes will continue to shape the future that's been unknowingly stored for us. The year 2011 is almost gone to history but we must be thankful and grateful for what this year had bestowed for us. For they help us make through to the upcoming year, 2012!

Happy New Year Everyone!

The Day My Son Went Under the Knife

December 20, 2011. My wife's cell phone rang. It was 4:00 this morning. A wake up call so to speak! Time to get up and prepare for what could be one of the longest days in our life. My son is scheduled to have a major surgery early this morning!

More than three months ago, my son was complaining about recurrent headaches and neck pains. Then he had numbness on the left side of his body. We thought that his symptoms were just few of the common discomforts sleep-deprivation and probably stressful college life may cause. He is a college sophomore pursuing a degree in journalism. But the doctor in the university he attends did not take any chance. Diagnostic imagings were ordered. The blood vessels around his brain were checked and all seemed normal. No aneurysm (thanks goodness!). His brain MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) images caught the attention of the, I believe, general practice university physician. He was referred to a neurologist. Additional MRI was ordered, this time on his cervical spnal cord. Then I got one of the news I did not want to hear. My son has Chiari Malformation type 1 with syringomyelia!

It was my first time to hear about this disorder. But I can easily understand what it is! Chiari is not a disease. In common terms, his skull is a little bit smaller relative to his brain. So there is a little compression going on in his brain and in particular, it is his cerebellum that is affected. The pressure caused a portion of his cerebellum to come out of the skull by way of the foramen magnum, the big canal which serves as the passageway of the spinal cord from the brainstem. That herniation, the cerebellar tonsils which come our of the hole, might (it can only be speculated) have caused the symptoms he has been having of late. But it could be something else!

It could've been less alarming if our son has only the herniation. The MRI conducted on his cervical spine showed a syrinx inside his spinal cord. A syrinx is a cyst which results from the accumulation of the cerebrospinal fluid (CSF), which normally the CSF should be circulating inside and outside the spinal cord. This poses a major risk, considering the size of syrinx. The neurosurgeon looking at his case recommended an immediate surgeon lest the syrinx may cause permanent damage.

This recent development caused changes in our plans for the winter break. In September, we made flight reservations to visit our aging folks in the Philippines. It's been three years since we last visited them. So all four of us were excited to spend the 2011 Christmas holidays with our loved ones back home. Not anymore! We decided to have this surgery conducted immediately after our son was done with school. And it was only Alison, our daughter, went ahead with the trip!

The thought of surgery sends chills to my spine. With my son undergoing a major surgery, scares me to hell (if hell exists!). For it's not just removing an appendix or a gallstone. He is going to have a brain decompression surgery. A portion of the skull bone that's covering his cerebellum will be removed. Am scared about the risks associated. Am scared about human errors that may do more harm than good to him. I can only hope with modern technology and the expertise of the team working on his surgery, everything will be okay!

At 8:35ish, we were told the surgery started! The procedure would take about 2-3 hours, give or take, the neurosurgeon told us before our son was wheeled in to the operating room. Must be a long wait for us in the waiting room. The wifi available in the waiting area has helped us while away the time. Just like anybody else in the waiting area, we are eager to hear any information about what's going on inside the operating room.

Finally we get the chance to have a brief audience with the neurosurgeon, two-and-a-half hours after. The surgery went well, we were told. A chunk of his skull was removed as well as his cerebellar tonsils. Then it was going to be another two-to-three hours before we could see hear about him again, hopefully, when he wakes up from sedation. But I dont know if we could come close to him. He is expected to be in the intensive care unit (ICU) until his recovery process improves.

The day has gone long, and we're only halfway through yet. I know it's going to be quite a long day for us, but longer for our son as his body has yet to get rid of the anesthetics it received earlier. I know it's going to be a long road to recovery for him. We could only hope he will get a relief from the unpleasant symptoms he had been enduring in the past months along with the recuperation.

We received well-wishes from a lot of people who knew about our son's forthcoming decompression surgery. Prayers inundate the heaven, asking for the intervention of the Great Healer for his safe and rapid recovery. All these were very much appreciated. Your abundant emotional and spiritual support have helped us through this rough time. Thank you so much!

Gone Fishing

I've never been to a  fishing trip before. I mean, going out to the waters on a motorized vehicle and spend countless hours casting and reeling under the heat of the sun. Although, I remember trying to catch tiny fish from a shallow stream near our vegetable garden before, the same stream where my older siblings used to do laundry. A slightly bent bamboo twig was used as pole; a staple wire from a box was formed into a hook, and this hook was tied to a thread which served as the line. Eureka!! a rudimentary fishing gear. For bait, a live earthworm freshly dugged up from a muddy soil was cut up into lengths that fitted the staple wire hook. That was fishing to me, for recreation , since I did not cook the poor fish I caught.

I got a few friends who just loved to go fishing. Once, I was invited to go fishing and I had to look for a lame alibi to decline the invite. For I thought, fishing is such a boring thing to do, may be next to doing nothing! And so the idea of going fishing was nowhere in my to do list. To me, the thought of waiting for the fish to pick up my bait for who-knows-how-long was like eternity, and therefore so much of a time wasted. This is in addition to the apprehensions of mosquito bites if gone fishing during dusk in the freshwater lakes around Manhattan, KS or the extreme Texas heat of the mid-day sun off the waters of the Corpus Christi Bay. Another reason that held me strongly back from going fishing, especially in sea waters, was my inability to swim.

Why did I go fishing anyway?

A geology professor (Vernon K.) whose office is next to mine in the College where I am teaching, mentioned to me that he loves to fish. He is a white septuagenarian who has retired five times already from previous jobs, He goes fishing for sport and for spending solitude. Although, he told me that once in a while, he would fillet the bigger catch. I have always been a fish eater and I indulge myself  with fish meal  from those simply cooked in vinegar ('paksiw'), fish soup ('tinola'),  fried fish and fish escabeche, to the fancy and pricey steamed or grilled fish. I knew in general that Americans love to fillet their catch and that they simply toss the fish heads and fleshy bones away for the seagulls to party on. So I told my geologist friend not to throw the fish parts next time and to save  the other species that are not subject to regulatory restrictions (number and size wise) instead of throwing them back to the water.

One summer morning back to my office, I got a voice mail from Vernon, straight from the middle of the Redfish Bay asking me if I were interested in some fish. Apparently, he was out there catching some good quality local species of fish like flounder, redfish and drum. Honestly I knew nothing about these fish but I got to know them eventually. My class for that day was to end at about ten in the evening so I did not have the time to go to his place and pick up the fish. I was thinking then I might have defaulted the offer. But this gracious 'old man' who looks and acts 'way younger' that his age saved the fish for me.

On my way to pick up the fish, I did not know what to expect. Maybe Vernon got a couple of his 'legal' catch for me. But my eyes opened so wide in amazement when I saw what he got for me. It was a 'lot'.. a big flounder, three drums, a couple of red fish, and few others I did not remember their names! And of couse, few fish heads from those he filleted. Venon's wife witnessed how astonished I was in reacting to what I saw. She told me, it was as if I got the biggest surprise of my life. And it was true! Our freezer was stuffed with fish like never before.

The following week, Vernon went fishing again, for fun. Their freezer was still overly stuffed with fillet from his previous trips, so I was the lucky recipient of his legal catch again! This time, he taught me how to clean the big fish. I got more-than two week's supply of fish. He drove me by the bay and showed where he usually got his 'loot' of fish. It turns out, he was fishing only in shallow waters. Admiring the abundance of the fish my friend caught regularly, and out of my curiosity, I told him that  I would go fishing with him one day. And so, my interest in fishing started!

Saltwater fishing license, checked! Sunblock, checked! Food and drinks, checked! With life vest on, I was seated in front of an open boat. The smell of the ocean and the morning breeze washing my face brought a good feeling! While Vernon was  behind me navigating the boat, my mind was wondering  in anticipation of new experience this day would bring. I knew there is something in store for me, including the catch. I gaped my face to the horizon before me, and to the sea grass bed  all around. I got excited with the sight of huge fish swimming in the sea grass bed and with those that keep jumping off the water. Silently, I told myself... watch out fish!

Then there was ... casting 101! Before we left  Vernon's place, he showed me a couple strokes on how to cast the line. I thought it was simple and easy. So out there in the waters, I practiced casting fishing line. It turned out casting was not easy as I earlier thought. I tried my hardest to cast but they were not good enough. At the start,Vernon was watching me every time I cast my line, if only to prevent his ear from being hooked (lol) if not to check if I was doing the right stroke. My hooks were not going that far no matter how I tried. I would release the reel either too early or too late. Not at the right timing. I was told to relax and get the feel of the timing when to release the reel. After about half an hour doing the casting, I became frustrated. I was nowhere near to be doing good in this 'seemingly' easy task!

I sat down to get some drinks. Suddenly,  I started to think about my students who were trying to learn something new for the first time in my class. Here I am, trying my best to do good but still struggling. At this very moment, I put myself to my students' shoes. I thought about the times I got upset, if not frustrated, when my students fail to completely comprehend topics which seem to be very simple and easy to me. I felt I need to show more compassion to my students if only to give justice to job I love the most - teaching! What a humbling experience, indeed!

Seven hours slipped very quickly, and all our baits were gone. We called it quits. We ended up catching drums, croakers and perches. I experienced having my hand and fingers pierced by the sharp fins of catfish and perch. Some lessons learned, including when to release the fish back to the water.  Finally, I was able to feel the right timing in releasing the reel.

Contrary to my expectation, there never was a dull moment spent while we were casting and reeling in. There was always the excitement every time I yanked  the pole to, hopefully, get a fish hooked.

After cleaning all what we caught, Vernon told me to take of all the fish home. For there's no space in the freezer to stash. That was a lot.. more than enough to feed us for a month! Sweet!